# our gender ramble
*a long ramble about our gender, as a multi-gendered plural system*
*contains explicit kink/bdsm, sex, genital, and fatness talk*
☀️ *marks the voice of Xander, and* ☂️ *marks the voice of Sandy.*
🕯️ *is Sage who's in here too, but they don't have much to say about this.*
Read in our own voices:
---
our gender is a heap of contradictions.
☀️
i am a boy but not a man
not because i'm a kid
but because i'm not a man, like a boy isn't a man. i'm my own thing
though i'm kind of a "kid". it's the playful, silly, a bit cocky vibe
he and him, but only if you say them in the right tone.
you've gotta sound like you know i'm a faggot.
a dude. and a bro. but like, how a dyke would be a dude or a bro
(but i'm not a dyke)
☂️
i am.
i'm the dyke. but i'm not a woman
nor do i fuck women. i'm ace. i think.
women are for laying my head in their laps
and submitting to.
and hugging,
and beating me until i hurt for a week.
and making food with.
and leaning against the wall at night and talking to while they smoke
when my jacket takes the tobacco smell home i feel like a lesbian.
i like my chubby body and my tits and my leg hair and my voice and
i like that people hear it and call me she.
☀️
and every time they do that, i cringe a bit
my girlish voice is ok. i've always done it, it's not voice training
i have a deeper register but it doesn't feel natural to use
but when i speak i need people to know it's a dude's voice
i wish that people would hear it and call me he.
☀️
i like women and a good beating too
it makes me feel strong when i see what i was able to take
and the gross purple bruises are cool in that "boys like dirt and worms and being smelly" way
but i really like boys. i want a boyfriend who likes me as a boy too
i've never had one. i avoided dating because it made sandy uncomfortable
but soon, we're going to try.
i wanna get railed by a boy. i dunno how with sandy in here though
i need to grab a boy by the chin and put my fingers in his mouth and watch him melt
i want a boy who gropes me in the kitchen and makes me melt.
☂️
for years i was afraid of the part of us that wanted those things
because i don't want them
they're fine, it's ok, but when xander tries to get them
and i end up in front
i don't know how to keep it going.
but that was before we knew that we were multiple.
i like the kid. he's a sweetheart and if he wants to get railed by a boy? i support that
we've got some stuff to work through still, but hopefully soon.
most of the things that make him happy don't make me sad, and i like letting him feel that
☀️
some of the things that make her happy make me sad though.
i guess it's cool to have boobs sometimes. and i'm hot when i bind them
i like to tape and wear a loose tank top and you can see the tape
it feels slutty
but i think about how i'd look with a flat chest, sometimes.
i'm glad we got our balls cut off. i didn't like how they looked and felt either
(though i really wish we got to let someone hurt them first. that'd be fun)
it's just a shame they don't make testosterone anymore,
i liked how our body worked on that stuff. why can't my cock get hard
and i don't get horny anymore like i used to. it was fun and made me feel cute
it's nice that she's happy being chubby, but i think i'd make a good scrawny twink
(or a twunk? building muscles in the gym feels good :)
i wanna look like a boy you can throw around
🕯️
it's lucky i'm somewhere in the middle
because i think a third contradictory gender would tear us apart
but i just like when people don't try to understand us.
sometimes, someone who's calling everyone sir or ma'am stops when they get to us.
that's nice.
i'm glad to let the kids use our body as a gender playground
it's made us really ambiguous